When I was 12 years old, my maternal grandmother passed away. I didn’t know her very well, never spent the night at her house by myself or remember being around her much since she lived an hour from us. Plus, I spent a good part of my life before age 9 in Germany. When my mom heard the news, she left a few days before the funeral, leaving my dad to make sure us 5 kids were properly dressed and that we arrived on time. I remember wearing a pretty dark blue dress with white swiss dots. When mom saw me, she got angry because my pretty dress was a hand-me-down from one of our cousins, who most likely was at the funeral.
I’d never been to a funeral before and didn’t want to look in the open casket, but mom made me stay in line with the rest of the family. It must have terrified me to look at Grandmother lying in a casket because for years, whenever I’d close my eyes, I’d see her face, the face of death to a child. After that, whenever I’ve been to a funeral, I have never looked in another casket again.
When I stopped seeing my Grandmother in my mind’s eye, so did my ability to visualize anything. On a normal day when I close my eyes, all I see is black….nothing, zipo, nada. Occasionally I’ll get a vision of something that fades pretty quickly. But I do have dreams that are in living color so I figure that there’s hope for me yet to be able to visualize again.
I bet if my mother was still alive, she wouldn’t remember getting mad at me for wearing that dress or for making me walk by Grandmother’s open casket. She wouldn’t have known the effect it had on me because I never talked about it, wrote about it (until now) or brought it up. Mom, at only 39 years old, was wrapped up in her own grief of losing her mother, her last living parent.
For me childhood trauma does not have to mean physical or mental abuse. It is traumatic if it affects you in an emotional, negative way. Many times childhood trauma is not intentional, like with my mom, because it’s based on the child’s perception of an incidence, which may or may not be logical or correct. You can tell that the memories are traumatic because you will get emotional when they show up. That emotion could be in the form of crying, irritation, getting sick, etc. Memories are also traumatic if you resist dealing with them because they are too painful.
How can you release painful memories? You can start by going on YouTube and typing in “Releasing Painful Memories”. You will find many different ways of releasing those memories. You can also get professional help from those who are trained or skilled at helping you release painful memories. Ask your friends and family for referrals of people who have helped them along their journeys. Keep an open mind and don’t be afraid to use unconventional ways of letting go of those memories.
How do I deal with releasing painful memories? With my long-time interest in energy healing, I have researched and learned different methods, such as the Emotional Freedom Technique (also known as Tapping), Theta Healing and the power of using affirmations. I also read many books about healing from the inside out, such as The Dynamic Laws of Healing by Catherine Ponder. I forgive, don’t blame others for my memories, and, sometimes, I cry a lot.
We all have painful memories that are ready to be released. Find the way or ways that work for you by going down different avenues and figuring out what resonates with you most. Eventually you’ll come out the other side feeling healthier, stronger and happier…and isn’t that what we all want, anyway?
Below you will find ways to connect with me this month:
March 16, 2020: Cohost of free Divine Master Mind® Zoom Session from 4-5pm.
Join via Zoom Meeting link (click link to open in a browser):
March 10, March 17, March 24, 2020: Book Study on Zoom: The Dynamic Laws of Healing by Catherine Ponder from 10:30am-Noon. $10 Love offering.
Join Zoom Meeting https://zoom.us/j/2146755105